Author Archives: Lorien
(ep.18) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Cigs: Intake equivalent to amount of self-loathing. Changes daily. Booze: Cracked this baby – I’m on the wagon. Diet: Male actor friend has invented the Naked on TV Diet – for when he has to get his kit off. It’s brutal but I’m following … Continue reading
(ep.17) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Cigs: New Years Evil – someone had fancy fags. Booze: Swam a sea of it and currently crawling onto dry land. Diet: Everyone’s on a cleanse. Everyone’s consuming liquids. Restaurants’ foreclosing. Exercise: Celery smoothies do not give you strength. Finger push ups only. Maybe … Continue reading
(ep.16) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Cigs: Can’t speak; too deep in my shame hole. Booze: Fingers in ears; ‘la, la, la, la, la.’ Diet: Trying to understand nut-cheese. Seriously. Vegan cashew queso fresco, macadamia cheddar, basil nut parmesan… Exercise: Watching Downton Abbey on iTunes in bed. My heart rate … Continue reading
(ep.15) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Cigs: Oh dear God, I can’t begin – have turned into Bridget Jones. Booze: Have decided the hangover is the perfect way to avoid your problems as a preferable horror to struggle through the day with. Diet: Forget that. Will be found dead in … Continue reading
(ep.13) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Booze: Decided organic tequila does qualify as macrobiotic because of the worm. Ate it. Went to Vietnam for fifteen minutes. Cigs: After the Romney/Obama debate, agree with Whoopi Goldberg that pot may be the only way forward. Diet: Concerned that … Continue reading
(ep.12) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Booze: Trying to persuade myself that sake is Macrobiotic. It is, right? Cigs: A friend left a packet behind. Keeping them in a drawer so I get-off on resisting temptation. Diet: Too much tofu definitely makes your boobs bigger. Exercise: … Continue reading
(ep.11) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Twenty ruminations on how not to be a lady in honour of Nora Ephron (1941-2012), who I thank for, among others, Silkwood, Heartburn and When Harry Met Sally. Continue reading
(ep.10) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Booze: Put hip flask of ketamine and absinthe in the glove compartment. Just in case 40- minute commute takes 4 hours. Cigs: Joint next to hip flask. Flask lonely. Diet: Trail mix is a lie. It’s only for car journeys. No one takes … Continue reading
(ep.9) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Booze: Faking it with small glasses of soda and lime. Cigs: Eating pencils instead. Diet: Found taramasalata! Consumed so much I’ve turned baby pink. Exercise: Facial gurning while watching Magic Mike. Quote: “When you ask me what makes us the greatest country in the world, I … Continue reading
(ep.14) we are not amoused: a single mother’s guide to LA
Cigs: Entire contents of 3-bedroom house arrived from London. Sat amid ten years of memories crying and chain-smoking like a twat… Booze: …and drinking bad whiskey, orange flavored rum and bottles of screw top Merlot. Diet: Nicotine, alcohol – and nuts. Exercise: Unpacking and … Continue reading →